5 Gentle Ways to Help Kids Cope During the Holidays After a Loss
The holiday season is often a magical time when families come together, but for children who have lost a loved one, it can also bring feelings of sadness and longing. Family traditions, in the absence of someone special, may feel overwhelming. So, how can you best support children during this emotional time?
Helping children find comfort, connection, and ways to reflect on their absent loved ones can bring them moments of joy and healing during the holidays. Here are five gentle and practical ways to support kids during this season:
1. Honor the Loved One’s Memory
Keeping a loved one’s memory alive can help children feel connected and validated in their grief. Here are a few meaningful ways to do this:
Create a Memory Ornament: Decorate an ornament that symbolizes the loved one, incorporating favorite colors, photos, or special symbols.
Light a Candle: Set aside a moment to light a candle in their honor, while sharing a story or favorite memory.
Make a Memory Box: Design a box with the child, adding keepsakes such as pictures, garments, or mementos.
Start a New Tradition: Incorporate something the loved one enjoyed, such as baking their favorite cookies or playing their holiday song.
Honoring their memory can turn sadness into a moment of connection and healing.
2. Create a Safe Space for Feelings
The holidays often bring pressure to be cheerful, but children need to know all emotions are valid—whether it’s joy, sadness, or both.
Have Open Conversations: Encourage children to share their feelings by asking questions like, “What’s your favorite memory of them?” or “How can we remember them together today?”
Offer Comfort Items: A cherished piece of clothing or object from their loved one can bring a sense of closeness.
Listening without judgment and being present can make a world of difference.
“Those we love never truly leave us. There are things that death cannot touch—memories, love, and the moments that live on in our hearts.”
3. Keep Holiday Plans Flexible
Children’s emotions can be unpredictable, so flexibility is key.
Allow for Quiet Moments: Creating space for the rest of the day feels too overwhelming.
Simplify When Needed: Focus on what feels most meaningful and manageable.
Give Them Choices: Let children decide which activities they want to participate in, giving them a sense of control during uncertain times.
4. Focus on Connection
Grief can feel isolating, but fostering connection can bring comfort.
Share Stories: Relive fond memories that celebrate the loved one’s spirit and qualities.
Include Friends and Family: A supportive circle can offer additional comfort and stability.
Engage in Giving: Acts of kindness, like making holiday cards or donating to a cause their loved one cares about, can bring a sense of purpose.
5. Allow Joy to Coexist with Grief
Children may feel guilty about feeling happy after a loss. Reassure them that it’s okay to experience both joy and sadness—it’s part of healing.
Celebrate Small Joys: Notice the beauty in moments like family laughter, the glow of holiday lights, or the warmth of hot cocoa.
Reframe the Holiday Spirit: Shift the focus to love and connection, showing that the holidays are about cherishing what matters most.
By offering gentle support, children can find ways to honor their loved ones while rediscovering moments of peace and joy during the holidays. Your presence, patience, and love provide the foundation they need to navigate this time with hope.
“Grief is the silent companion we never asked for, but it walks with us, reminding us that love leaves an imprint no loss can erase.”
A Grief Companion for Kids
Looking for more ways to support children through grief?
Check out my children’s book, Message to Heaven.
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Together, let’s create spaces of connection, healing, and hope.